Belly of the Beast

Jealously has a way of kicking your ass sometimes. My aunt was only 14 when I was born, since I can remember she always teased me. When I was five, she locked me in her closest and told me the boogy man is going to get me. I'm 18 now, and I will never forget that day, not just because I was five years old locked in a dark and tiny closest, but also because I couldn't do anything about it. Since I was born my family has controlled me. Everyone in my family is judgemental, rude, and most of the time obnoxious, but they are absolutely amazing. I know your expecting me to tell you about some time I couldn't do anything, like maybe a little bit more about being locked in a closest with the boogy man, but my life has always been controlled by something or someone. Since I was a little girl, my aunts would tell me that shirt makes me look fat, or my ratty hair needed to be brush. Because of this, I do it too. My sister's nine and I tease her all the time, but like me she doesn't care because it's almost like a tradition. My family likes to have the control of everything, and most of the time when things aren't going someones way, it turns into a huge argument.

You want me to write about dark things, and the inner me, but lately I have been pouring out my feelings. Writing about my ex-boyfriend was really hard for me, BUT I thank you because it let me know how it feels to let go, it helped me let go.

This summer I was a mean person, I was never happy, moping around watching One Tree Hill, or Smallville, or writing depressing journal entries, about how I miss my best friend Paul, or how I hope my sister doesn't make the same mistakes I've made. But now I'm new. I am now the person that I was last year, happy and excited to meet new people, to take charge of my life and find someone to share my life with.

Now I understand this might get you a little bothered, that I'm saying I can't write dark things. It's just I was a miserable person before, but I'm happy with my life now. I love being Brittany.