just so you all kknow, my life stinks right now. and i just want to try to focus on the good.
after thinking about you for weeks i came to a conclusion about why everything between us dissipated: you didn't try like you said you would. you told me you'd try harder, and i said i would too. but we are two different people now and that is what kills me the most. but just so you know, your always on my mind.
Saturday, November 15, 2008
Thursday, November 6, 2008
Self-Assesment
Bloggggg-to be who you are in your kind of way. The blogs are over for the class, but I'm sure I'll keep up with them as much as I can. Time sure did fly, because I remember the first blog entry when I was venting about work and how terrible it was, and now booooom only a couple of months go by and I don't know where I would go with out my job. This blog helped me grow, and it definitely helped me let go of a lot of necessary things so I could move on with my life. I think my blog turned out to be wonderful just like me. Because this is what I am. Read my blog and You know me, I wasn't afraid to go there if I could.
You haven't heard the last of me!!
You haven't heard the last of me!!
Never to be Sent
Dear Forever Friend 12 October 2007
When you feel like everything you had is everything you need, it's like dying out. When the boy you once loved and still love is with another because he's behind a glass wall that he's afraid to shatter.
Love Always, Brittany
Dear Boy with potential, 19 November 2007
your really someone I could love, and I really want to love you and trust you and be with you and be your equal, but there’s just one thing... her and to be honest I don’t think she would like us at all. You seem so great and you have such a potential but when will that potential spark and set off, because I know it’s only been a few months but I’m dying inside.
With Love, Brittany
Dear New Boy, 21 November 2007
You’re so innocent yet so intriguing; I just don't know what to do. The thing is you’re so hmm... well I guess easy. There's no challenge or obstacle I have to face into wanting you and I think that's what’s making it so difficult. All the guys I've ever liked always had some reason to not go near them, but with you I can't find one good enough reason to say I shouldn't like you. You’re almost perfect. I've never felt this before?
From, Brittany
Dear Forever Friend, 8 January 2008
You've always been the one to confide in for me, I could tell you "I'm pregnant" and even if the father was perfect you would still help me. You mean so much to me because you're always there, like I am for you. But we've been through so much and we go through the stupid stuff still, but I love you and I always will. You are someone who has really pulled through for me in every way and to love you so much is harder than anything, when I watch you get hurt I get hurt. You are my everything.
Love Always, Brittany
Dear Forever Friend, 1 March 2008
You joked around today in class, of course you can there because it's behind closed doors, but it still means something. I'm sure you know that because the look in your eyes weren't just for joking around. Well I hope you know I miss you a lot. I feel like I never see you, which in reality it's not a feeling. True Love comes only once so if yours and my love was true, I guess eventually we'll be together.
Love Always, Brittany
When you feel like everything you had is everything you need, it's like dying out. When the boy you once loved and still love is with another because he's behind a glass wall that he's afraid to shatter.
Love Always, Brittany
Dear Boy with potential, 19 November 2007
your really someone I could love, and I really want to love you and trust you and be with you and be your equal, but there’s just one thing... her and to be honest I don’t think she would like us at all. You seem so great and you have such a potential but when will that potential spark and set off, because I know it’s only been a few months but I’m dying inside.
With Love, Brittany
Dear New Boy, 21 November 2007
You’re so innocent yet so intriguing; I just don't know what to do. The thing is you’re so hmm... well I guess easy. There's no challenge or obstacle I have to face into wanting you and I think that's what’s making it so difficult. All the guys I've ever liked always had some reason to not go near them, but with you I can't find one good enough reason to say I shouldn't like you. You’re almost perfect. I've never felt this before?
From, Brittany
Dear Forever Friend, 8 January 2008
You've always been the one to confide in for me, I could tell you "I'm pregnant" and even if the father was perfect you would still help me. You mean so much to me because you're always there, like I am for you. But we've been through so much and we go through the stupid stuff still, but I love you and I always will. You are someone who has really pulled through for me in every way and to love you so much is harder than anything, when I watch you get hurt I get hurt. You are my everything.
Love Always, Brittany
Dear Forever Friend, 1 March 2008
You joked around today in class, of course you can there because it's behind closed doors, but it still means something. I'm sure you know that because the look in your eyes weren't just for joking around. Well I hope you know I miss you a lot. I feel like I never see you, which in reality it's not a feeling. True Love comes only once so if yours and my love was true, I guess eventually we'll be together.
Love Always, Brittany
Whores?
June 24, 2008
If you could tell me one thing right now what would it be? Because I can tell you, if I could tell you one thing, any one thing, I would tell you how much I care about you. How much I miss lying in your arms at midnight after having a great night with our friends. I want to be able to tell you I miss our amazing friendship. I miss all the times we could be with each other in silence and not feel awkward, but feel safe and happy. You seem so far away and I’m sure you’ve changed, because I know I have, but have you changed for the better or worse. I just want to know. I want to know if our love was true because our hearts were always missing each other. I know I’m not in love with you right now, but I want you to know I will always love you. And there will always be a place for you in my heart. “Sometimes people write what they can’t say out loud.” So please always speak you mind even if it’s through paper.
Always With Love, Brittany
P.S. Your deserve much more than a few whores once a night
Wednesday, November 5, 2008
WednesDAYS
It’s a Wednesday. I mentioned your name more than five times, I said “I love him” at least eight times and I thought of you every second of the day. Our worlds are different now, but there was a time when our world was one. It was me and you against everyone else. We were fighters, we were young, and we were in love. You can tell anyone who will listen, that our love could have beat anything back then. So what happened? I want to know what happened to the boy I once gave my heart to because I miss him, because he wasn’t just a boy. He was a man, a gentleman, a best friend. He was everything, he was my everything. Knowing all that I know now I am a better person for knowing him. It’s ok though, I’m ok, I’m going to be ok, everything will be ok, but the thing is sometimes being “ok” is just not enough. And as much as I wish different, I can’t. It’s not me and you against everyone else anymore; it’s me against our friendship, our love, our world. And sometimes I think I need you to pick me up and other times I think I just need to fall. As much as I wish I had you here, I rather you be happy where ever you are and whatever you’re doing. Stay safe and stay you. “You have changed so much that I don’t know if I can call you and tell you I care.”- So Beautiful
Tuesday, November 4, 2008
A Lost Love
She wrote this when she was only 16:
When you fall asleep at night and your staring at the ceiling the wall your pillow whatever it is... what do you think about? Love, hate, what’s going to happen tomorrow, why did things go the way they did today, who you want to punch the crap out of, who are your true friends, who do you like talking to, who do you want to call up right now but are too afraid or it’s too late, who you think is the kindest person in the world and want to get closer to, or your already so close but so far away at the same time... what do you think about ? I think about it all like is it “true love last forever” or is it “love at first sight?” So many people believe and think in so many different things like for instance, I love to love, it’s not when you love someone deeply it’s when you can trust them with everything and truly give your love and hope they return it back and to me trust means the world. You lose my trust you’re lucky if u get a second chance. You lose it again. You’re lucky if you’re someone I still talk to. I used to be a push over with lies like I wouldn’t care if you lied or not, but after my ex-boyfriend my entire outlook on life changed. He was probably one of the biggest liars ever and I kept going back to him. It was like addiction and a bad addiction at that. He pushed me to my lowest point; cheating on me lying every day, not calling, ignoring me in school and when I finally got to the bottom and dumped him I was finally happy. I felt like I was born again as corny as that sounds. I was hanging out with my friends and being me and trusting anyone was the hardest thing ever. But I came to the point where I was like well I can trust until they give me a reason not to and I’m like that now with friends, boys, and even family. I mean not like my mom or dad, but my aunts and uncles I have a huge family and there not only family their friends and when one betrays you, it’s more upsetting then a just your normal friend. But any ways trust is a big deal to me.--
She was always talking about trust, how it's a big part of her life and how relying on one person for the rest of her life would be the hardest thing anyone would do. I loved it when she talked like that, so real. She was not like some genius I know that, but when she spoke about life and what it was, it was unbelievable because everyone around her was thinking it, but she said it and that takes such courage.
She said "Yes, but with one condition." When I asked her to be my wife, my equal, my forever, she said "As long as you promise you'll never disrespect my trust." When she said that I knew she was the one no matter what. I loved her for her trust, if I didn't have her trust I felt like I could never live again.
She's had some hardship in the past, many having to do with trust issues. Her father had left her family when she was only 11 years of age. She's the oldest sibling and she felt she needed to stay strong for her brother and sister, but most of all her mother. She was so young and she matured because of her aunts. Her love for her family is so great. She would do anything for them. It's so nice to know that about someone, that there family will come first no matter what; she would never have left if I could have helped it.
When you fall asleep at night and your staring at the ceiling the wall your pillow whatever it is... what do you think about? Love, hate, what’s going to happen tomorrow, why did things go the way they did today, who you want to punch the crap out of, who are your true friends, who do you like talking to, who do you want to call up right now but are too afraid or it’s too late, who you think is the kindest person in the world and want to get closer to, or your already so close but so far away at the same time... what do you think about ? I think about it all like is it “true love last forever” or is it “love at first sight?” So many people believe and think in so many different things like for instance, I love to love, it’s not when you love someone deeply it’s when you can trust them with everything and truly give your love and hope they return it back and to me trust means the world. You lose my trust you’re lucky if u get a second chance. You lose it again. You’re lucky if you’re someone I still talk to. I used to be a push over with lies like I wouldn’t care if you lied or not, but after my ex-boyfriend my entire outlook on life changed. He was probably one of the biggest liars ever and I kept going back to him. It was like addiction and a bad addiction at that. He pushed me to my lowest point; cheating on me lying every day, not calling, ignoring me in school and when I finally got to the bottom and dumped him I was finally happy. I felt like I was born again as corny as that sounds. I was hanging out with my friends and being me and trusting anyone was the hardest thing ever. But I came to the point where I was like well I can trust until they give me a reason not to and I’m like that now with friends, boys, and even family. I mean not like my mom or dad, but my aunts and uncles I have a huge family and there not only family their friends and when one betrays you, it’s more upsetting then a just your normal friend. But any ways trust is a big deal to me.--
She was always talking about trust, how it's a big part of her life and how relying on one person for the rest of her life would be the hardest thing anyone would do. I loved it when she talked like that, so real. She was not like some genius I know that, but when she spoke about life and what it was, it was unbelievable because everyone around her was thinking it, but she said it and that takes such courage.
She said "Yes, but with one condition." When I asked her to be my wife, my equal, my forever, she said "As long as you promise you'll never disrespect my trust." When she said that I knew she was the one no matter what. I loved her for her trust, if I didn't have her trust I felt like I could never live again.
She's had some hardship in the past, many having to do with trust issues. Her father had left her family when she was only 11 years of age. She's the oldest sibling and she felt she needed to stay strong for her brother and sister, but most of all her mother. She was so young and she matured because of her aunts. Her love for her family is so great. She would do anything for them. It's so nice to know that about someone, that there family will come first no matter what; she would never have left if I could have helped it.
Monday, November 3, 2008
Inner Self
strong,
this is me
brave,
this is me
independent,
this is me
caring,
this is me
loving, hard
this is me
working,
this is me
sees the better in people,
this is me
i am great
i am wonderful
i am interesting
i am weird
i am lovable
i am magifecent
i am a sister
i am a daughter
i am what i want to be
i will be
i will try
i will ache
i will achieve
i will gain
i will win
i will be what i want to be
this is me, i am what i am, and i will be who i want
The Time Has Come Today
I've been watching an episode of the orignal series of 90210 and the episode title is The Time Has Come Today, Brenda finds a diary of a girl named Wendy who lived during the 60's. What caught my attention to the episode was Bob Dylan. Most of the dialogue was from his songs. Of course other things too, but the catch phrases were all from Dylan, like The times are a changin' and Blowing in the Wind. It was just strange that after learning about Bob Dylan, and the changes of 1960s, I find myself watching this episode. Obviously Bob Dylan affected more than just the real people of 1960's, even unreal characters on television. <3
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