<3

If not for you,
Winter would have no spring,
Couldn't hear the robin sing,
I just wouldn't have a clue,
Anyway it wouldn't ring true,
If not for you.
-bob dylan, if not for you

how is it possible that i could feel so safe, but so sad at the same time. this kid is unbelievable, but famous dave's is in a shit whole right now, i rele big one. i lvoe my job and now it could be gone. ugh, this kid is amazing and i hav no idea how to pursue anything, we went out tday and it was fun, we talked for an hour and talked and talked, and each thing he said, i liked him more. idk, im so insecure sometimes, and this is a time im def afraid of osmething. i know if it doesnt work out it wont kill me,, but i want things to fall in place this time, i hope and pray things fall in place, just this one time. i would love to be happy and satified, and ok with how life is. i dnt need it to be perfect all the time, i just don't wanna be alone anymore. i want to have a someone i can take out to family parties or go out to dinner, i just need that. and if he's the one, so be it, but i just this to work out<3

crush.

ugh, im uncontrollably falling for a guy that probably doesn't like me back!
he's crazy nice, crazy cute, and i'm crazy over him!
i just cant take it any longer, i want him for myself. ughhh!!!!
if i could just get him out of my head for a second of the day, it would be great
i would live at my job if i couldd bc of him.
im not obessedd, im just crushing hardcore.
and if you know me i dont crush, attttt all!
ugh i juust cant take it anymore!

Odd numbers

I hate odd numbers and being that 31 is odd and i have 31 post, it's going to have to change. so here it is, my dislike of odd numbers.

I KNOW im nutsoo but w.e

ANYYYY WHO!!!
WORK:
love it. LOVE LOVE LOVE IT.

bob dylan:
GETTING USED TO IT!
SOME SONGS ARE AWSOMEE

BOY:
unpredictable
kind
cute
sweet
wants a girlfriend, not a booty call!
__>haha
he has the ball, i threw it at him!
hopefully by friday, he throws it back??

family:
UNBELIEVABLE

FRIENDS:
OTT OTT OTT OTT OTT OTT OTT OTT OTT, LOVE HER, MY BIFFLE <33 AAFFFFFAAFFAF <3

school:
school

Life = Great <3

to me my meaningful comment to Jill's question about love...
https://www.blogger.com/comment.g?blogID=8077097663831526875&postID=4763490296140754076&page=1

Inner Child

This picture is the most embarrassing pictureee ever <3; but the most childissh!!! Yes that's mee to the back, yes I am an idiot. and Yes I CAN NOT believe I'm showing this picturee!!

A Time of...

I'm a girl, he's a boy
He's a boy, he's a boy
tradition says he asks
but i say fuck that

Yea I'm a girl
but I can do anything you can do
ANYTHING, ANYTHING

I'm a girl, he's a boy
So what I say, So what
I work like him
I go to school like him
I kind like him
I every right to be with him

So don't tell me
I SHOULD NOT ASK
because all I want is a date
Maybe something more.

Yea I'm a girl
but I can do anything you can do
ANYTHING, ANYTHING

So what I say, so what?
He's as much as a human as I am,
so if he's too scared, I not!
He is mine and always will be.

Yea I'm a girl
but I can do anything you can do
ANYTHING, ANYTHING

Shadow

Time of...

She was two years old
They were thirty-eight years old
She was ignorant and innocent
They were wise and sinful

Her brown eyes filled with tears
He never was there to hold her
She was always there, always there
Life can not be like this . . . anymore

I was twelve years old
I think thirty-eights a good age to
GROW UP

Today

Do you think I'm innocent?
Am I a kind person?
Can you picture me yelling at someone?
Do you think I'm rude?
Am I pretty?
Can you imagine me doing something risky?

Most people in my life, when I first meet them, they think I'm this innocent school girl who gets good grades, and does right by her parents. Well I'm quite sorry to bust that perfected bubble, but I'm anything but innocent. I know how to party, and I know how to be a huge bitch. I yell at everyone, and complain about everything. Personally I think I'm gorgeous, which by the way, confidence is a huge factor in being risky. I've done plenty of stupid, risky things in my time. I would tell you, but most are against the law and I rather let you make those stories up.

But if you think about your everyday life, and how people look at you, think about you, judge you, you will never make it. I hate when people are so obsessed with judging other people, sure we all do it, like when a drop dead, omg I would love to have your babies guy is walking in the mall holding a nasty, buck teeth, bad highlighted hair with the wrong color eye shadow on with her top girl, of course your thinking if he's on drugs. So ok do that, but when it comes down to the important things, like how she loves being around her family, but he doesnt. Don't judge that. That's what they know. People start obsessing over other people's ways of life, and that's no way to live because those people are so insecure about themselves they NEED to judge other people. If you are a person who can get by with judgement, you will survive in this world, because the first thing people do when they meet you, is judge. Even if they don't mean to.

Comments I got at work today
I liked you better when I thought you were innocent.
Frenger get the fuck out of here.
I never asked you for advice!
Brittany you need to make a decision, are you coming or not?!
Are you done?
Frenger no one likes you.
Haha you just got sat again.

Now, most of these comments are mean, also said during a period of time when everyone decided to pick on me at once. Most said jokingly, BUT!!!! still I think about them. I know the ones that are kidding are kidding and I personally don't care. Just sometimes even a just kidding has some truth. The first comment: I've worked at Famous Dave's for a year and I've known this person since then, and I never would expect him to say that, and I don't really know what he means. Now that he knows I've done wild things in my life, he's questioning who I am? Just because you find out something about someone should not change your perspective of who that person is. But does it? Frenger get the fuck out of here! Burned. We were close, really close and since I've been upset and concentrating on a lot of issues at home, we haven't really talked. We fight a lot and I wish it wasn't like that at all. He told me I changed and I see what he means, but I can't change the way I am now, just for him esspecially if I like the new me. The last comment was made by someone who just wanted to tease me, and boy I don't mind that at all. He's too cute and too sweet and I love it. I just hope I don't get crushed like all the other times...

Belly of the Beast

Jealously has a way of kicking your ass sometimes. My aunt was only 14 when I was born, since I can remember she always teased me. When I was five, she locked me in her closest and told me the boogy man is going to get me. I'm 18 now, and I will never forget that day, not just because I was five years old locked in a dark and tiny closest, but also because I couldn't do anything about it. Since I was born my family has controlled me. Everyone in my family is judgemental, rude, and most of the time obnoxious, but they are absolutely amazing. I know your expecting me to tell you about some time I couldn't do anything, like maybe a little bit more about being locked in a closest with the boogy man, but my life has always been controlled by something or someone. Since I was a little girl, my aunts would tell me that shirt makes me look fat, or my ratty hair needed to be brush. Because of this, I do it too. My sister's nine and I tease her all the time, but like me she doesn't care because it's almost like a tradition. My family likes to have the control of everything, and most of the time when things aren't going someones way, it turns into a huge argument.

You want me to write about dark things, and the inner me, but lately I have been pouring out my feelings. Writing about my ex-boyfriend was really hard for me, BUT I thank you because it let me know how it feels to let go, it helped me let go.

This summer I was a mean person, I was never happy, moping around watching One Tree Hill, or Smallville, or writing depressing journal entries, about how I miss my best friend Paul, or how I hope my sister doesn't make the same mistakes I've made. But now I'm new. I am now the person that I was last year, happy and excited to meet new people, to take charge of my life and find someone to share my life with.

Now I understand this might get you a little bothered, that I'm saying I can't write dark things. It's just I was a miserable person before, but I'm happy with my life now. I love being Brittany.

The Horror