Bed Time

as i lay here in my bed, in my new red comforter all i can do is kick and roll in circles tying to find a comfortable spot to fall asleep. when i do eventually find it, my mind sits there racing with feelings, now seriously how can someone just simply fall asleep when there head is in so many different places?

so i came to blogger in hope to clear my head. i haven't been here in a while and i think i deserve my audience some clarity of where my head is at.

the last time i really talked was about my i guess ex-best friend Paul, my ex-everything. as you know he even though we never dated, was my first real love and over time i realized even though i felt so much when i was with him, he could have been feeling nothing. obviously that was a bit hard for me to understand, but it was necessary for me to move on. after being able to get over my ex, Jose, because of Laura, i realized Paul was the next victim of the letting go train.

so here i am now again falling for a best friend, a friend who has a girl friend and someone i truly could love unconditionally. but I'm also in the mist of my work friend who i had a crush on, who is so sweet, but so in love with his ex girlfriend. and both of these boys are not something i want to jump into over night, or possibly ever, but there here now and i cant help but think about it.

Dan, who has a girlfriend who he obviously doesn't truly love, is one of my closest friends, but he is also the same guy my best friend Ashley likes or liked, i dint really know. he says we'd be a great couple and how he thinks i have a great personality, but how can he say this things with his girlfriend on his back still? even our manager tells him to break up with "DA bitch" and date me, now do not get me wrong I'm not saying he should do it, I'm saying if people think were dating when were not and if people see the way he acts around me and the way i act around him and assume were flirting, how can he be in love with his girl friend?

Mike is a great kid, and his recent break up is killing me inside, because even though i know that's definitely not the only factor of why he doesn't like me or at least doesn't want to date, it probably the biggest one. to me he is such a nice guy, he is great person inside and out, and i would love it if he thought the same of me, but he doesn't and there isn't that much i could do about it because if i could i wouldn't be on the computer right now.

can anyone help me? because i feel like i need advice, i need someone to tell me Dan is no good and Mike will come around someday. i need someone to come to me and tell me to stop looking and he will come to you in time. But most of all I need someone.